I get fired up too easily in Early Film and its Preservation. The arguments and conversations I have with the prof are always focused on the material and never personal, but I still end up feeling funny about it afterward. I’m convinced it has to do with my age. At some point after finishing grad school the last time and living out in the Real World, I settled into the impression that I know a lot of things. In class, the panic that I don’t actually know a lot of things can set in as I try to access that old undergraduate version of myself that was wide-eyed and interested in material that changed his life. I love talking about it, and want to keep doing so, but I also feel like I need to watch myself and not come off like an entitled dickhead.

The second-year students gave their post-internship presentations tonight. About five film students did internships, at distribution companies and museums, all in Toronto. There were some interesting and passionate points made, but also a lot of frustration. It seems tricky to get somewhere where people will respect your expertise while also letting you try valuable new things. Why did everyone stay in Toronto? That question is nagging at me, and I’m sure it will be answered before long. I want to say I’m not going to settle when it comes to the direction I head in. So I’m just going to say it: I’m not going to settle.


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